Weekly Advent Devotionals

The Advent season is underway, but it's not too late to start this wonderful Christmas tradition. Below are links to all the Advent Devotionals. This Sunday, we had our first Family Advent Night— it lasted all of twelve minutes. 

However, it was such a special time of quieting our hearts and focusing on the true meaning of the season. Watching the kids sweet faces in the candlelight, talking about what hope really means and hearing those little voices sing— I told Mark, it feels like we’ve already had Christmas.

It did remind me of a couple handy tips that I thought we could share here:

Set-up a schedule of who lights which candle, it can rotate, stay the same each year, whatever— but having this mapped out ahead of time can save on squabbles. 

At our house, our eldest child has the honor of lighting the first candle of Advent and the youngest lights the center Christ candle on Christmas Eve. All the other candles we switch around and they don’t seem to mind.

When you all come together take a minute to close your eyes and have everyone take some deep, quiet breaths. Mark had us do this on Sunday and it immediately changed the energy in the room and our hearts.

Mark also finds the hymn we are singing on YouTube. You can find the hymns with the words presented in slide format and the musical accompaniment. It made our “O Come, Emmanuel” sound pretty good.

PDF for Advent: Week 1

PDF for Advent: Week 2

PDF for Advent: Week 3

PDF for Advent: Week 4

PDF for Advent: ChristmasEve/Day

(Your choice, we like Christmas Eve)

Thank you, thank you, for the wonderful response to this series. Our hope and prayer is that it can and will be an encouragement to seek out ways to have an authentic Christmas filled with joy, love and meaning. Please feel free to let us know any questions you have or anything you may want us to tackle next year.

Merry Christmas!!

It's also not too late to get organized and put a plan together for a great Christmas season—check out this post for my planning and prep tips.

Celebrating Christmas Future

The hope is to create magic memories as a family and to raise kids that grow into compassionate, caring, creative people. The Christmas season is filled with extra work and time, but it’s a worthwhile investment in building traditions, faith and character.

Build a Legacy of Compassion:

Build a legacy of compassion and generosity by incorporating giving to those in need as part of your Christmas traditions. Be open to need in broad definition— those on the other side of the world, in your community and your circle of friends and family. From donating money to a worthwhile organization helping third world countries, to taking a 20 lb. bag of dog food by the animal shelter, to inviting a single friend over for a night of kid-fueled Christmas cheer, to simply letting a worn out mom cut in front of you in the check-out line. Get the kids involved by giving them some ownership and responsibility in the process.

During Advent we have a special day where we do a service project as a family and what we do changes each year. Our day is in honor of a special loved one we lost. It adds a deeper level of meaning to give and serve in her name. There’s a little bucket that the kids put money into all year long and that becomes the base funds for whatever we decide to do. We let the kids brainstorm how they want to give; it’s been incredible to witness their compassion and creativity.

Speaking of compassion and creativity, one fun family we know makes giving a memorable adventure. The group of sisters (now all adults) and mom pool money that they have put aside throughout the year. Then, they head downtown days before Christmas when it’s buzzing with activity. They hunt down the grumpiest, crankiest department salesperson they can find and simply go up and gift them with the money, a card and a big “Merry Christmas!”

Get to Church:

Before you skip over this section, please give me a minute. Trust me, we're well acquainted with all the reasons why the church isn’t perfect. We have a growing list of friends that don’t go to church anymore— they have been burned, frustrated or uninspired too many times. However, it’s of value to share a religious journey with your children—you can’t expect them to grow into spiritually grounded beings without modeling your own journey. Like we’ve said before, it’s not about having all the answers, it’s more about being willing to have the conversation.

Advent season is a great chance to dip your toes into church waters. Much of the music and scripture texts will have some familiarity and it’s a natural time of year for questions of faith to come up at the dinner table. Allow yourself to open your heart to the message of Christmas wherever you are on your faith journey.

Also, think of it this way- your adorable, squirmy kids in the pew can be an unknown blessing to the older couple sitting behind you who are missing their far away grandchildren. Seek out a local church for a Sunday or two and allow your family the adventure of trying something new.

Giving What Matters:

There is another family where every Christmas Eve the father writes a letter to each of his children (all four!), slipping an envelope under their bedroom door in the middle of the night. He’s a doctor and I remember him telling me how one Christmas week his call schedule was so crazy that he didn’t get the letters done. He thought the kids wouldn’t notice because they were in the middle of teenage glory, indifferent to everything. Christmas morning came and they demanded their letters! I’m sure that those brothers and sisters will barely remember any particular gift from under the tree over the years, but they will hold onto every word of those letters.

A mom that I’ve forever admired told me about a Christmas when her kids were teenagers and they didn’t give gifts to each other, instead opting to give a needy family an amazing Christmas from start to finish. The plan was to just have stockings on Christmas morning. She confessed that two days before the 25^th she was tempted to go out and shop for her kids, worried that the morning would lose it’s magic. She resisted and said that Christmas turned out to be one of the most special they’ve ever shared, in large part because that morning the emphasis was on the joy they had been able to give to others. 

It’s been said forever because it’s true— the best gift you can give is your time, attention and love. Especially in our current culture it can be hard to step away from all the distractions, to unplug and connect with the people right next to you. My personal goal (which I fail at all the time but keep on trying) is to give my best to the people that matter the most to me. This Advent, let’s fight the good fight to give, love, celebrate and be present to the season.

Celebrating Christmas Present

Embracing Christmas present is the hardest task. We’re running in so many directions all in the name of yuletide cheer. But the truth is we’ll never get this Christmas back. Our family will never again get to experience the wonder of this season with a seven and five year old. With one look at the photo of your chubby toddlers on Santa’s lap you know it’s a worthwhile fight to be present.

Here are a few simple ways we’ve found to enjoy and embrace the season as a family without having a total breakdown in the process.

Advent Countdown Calendar:

I made our first Advent countdown calendar five years ago—the kids were so little!  Each day from December 1-25 holds a little slip of paper describing a special activity for the day. You call that simple? Yes, it really is. Remember that calendar you mapped out when you were in prep mode? So many days already spell out your activity- getting the tree, decorating the tree, the Christmas play at school, and the party you were all invited to…. On the other days you fill-in with easy activities that make some magic, simply.

Here are some of our favorites:

• Candlelight bath: Gather up all the candles in your house, put on some classical Christmas music, add bubbles and let your kids have a decadent soak.
• Book picnic under the tree: We gather up a big stack of Christmas books, set out a blanket and with our hot cocoa in hand, read thru the stack.
• Family movie night: At our house, this means popcorn sprinkled with M & M’s and all of us squished on the sofa together.
• Nativity hide and seek: For an Advent family night, hide all the pieces from your nativity scene and have the kids search for them. Bonus for whoever finds baby Jesus.
• Kid/parent date and shopping night: This is something we all look forward to every year. We head down to State Street and split off in pairs (one adult/kid) and pick out present for the other pair, all meet for dinner and then switch again.
• Drive around to look at lights, stop for hot chocolate: If you live in SB, the CB&TL on upper State St. has an outdoor fire pit.
• Dance party with glow sticks: Has yet to let me down.
• First morning of Christmas break: Lazy morning of pancakes, pajamas and claymation cartoons.
• Christmas date with spouse: A must! Try and book the kids’ fave sitter early and you’re golden.
• Family pizza picnic in front of the fire: So easy, so fun...put on some jazzy holiday music and don’t forget the wine for mom and dad!
• Make cards for your teachers: With googly eyes and glitter, of course.
• Take cookies to your neighbors: Because you don’t want to eat them all…
• Do something nice for someone (and keep it a secret)!
• Call/Skype two special people and sing Jingle Bells or Deck the Halls: This is a hit with grandparents.

Many of my girlfriends do the countdown with their families and say it has become one of their favorite Christmas traditions. We even brainstorm ideas over e-mail as we all get our calendars prepped for the month. More than anything else, I’ve found this holds me accountable during a task-filled season to take some time each day to be with the kids, really be with them, making fun memories.

Advent Questions:

A family we love and admire gave us these questions a couple years back. Each of these questions were on a separate strips of paper and nestled in a box in the shape of a star. Throughout the month we pick a question over dinner, during family Advent time or before bed- whenever it felt like a good time. These are excellent questions and great conversation starters. It’s so simple, but a great way to focus hearts and minds on the real message of Christmas.

These are a couple of the questions from the list to give you an idea:

• How much light does it take to drive out darkness?
• If you were one of the three kings visiting Jesus in today’s world, what gift would you bring?

Here's the link (hopefully) to the questions for you to print out.

Gift Giving:

An informal poll shows the biggest stressor of the holidays is gift giving- managing expectations, staying on a budget, trimming down the gift list, unexpected gifts that make you feel like you have to run out to Target and find something to reciprocate fast.  Every family is different when it comes to how they handle gifts. Below are a couple ways we are trying to tame this blessing and curse of the Christmas season.

I found this Santa List on Pinterest last year and love it. It’s a great tool for getting my kids to think through what they are asking for and discern between wants vs. need. I also like that it’s not an open-ended list to rattle off five different Lego sets. I knew this was a good tactic when my son’s birthday came around and he automatically made his list following this same format!

This year, at the start of November I told the kids they were now on a spy mission. They needed to be watching and listening around the house for clues as to what someone might want or need for Christmas. It has been fun to have them go off and whisper to each other or tell me to cover my ears while they conspire. It’s been an easy way to get them focused on giving, and giving well, rather than adding items to their wish list.

If it works with your family dynamic, get creative with your giving. There are so many worthwhile organizations that count on Christmas time donations to make their work possible. Our church in NC hosted a program where people could buy books, tools, even bags of rice for families in our sister church in Guatemala. Receiving a card that told us school supplies had been purchased in our name meant more than any ornament or box of candy ever could.

Put the focus on the memory, rather than the stuff. There’s a family that has made a game of the adult siblings meeting at Kmart (there’s no Target in SB), setting a $20 limit, picking names on the spot and having a timed mad dash to find the perfect gift for each other. How fun is that? I just had coffee with a friend who is traveling to Oregon over the holiday and instead of a bunch of gifts they're all getting new cross-country skis. The plan is to spend Christmas day outside together skiing, stopping in warming huts for hot chocolate and sugar cookies as they go.

A lesson I’ve learned (the hard way) over the years is that you don’t have to do everything, you just have to give intention and thought to those activities you do chose to do. I’m somewhat of a perfectionist, so telling me to just let go doesn’t really work for me— what does work is reminding myself to chose the most important things and give my heart, talent and time to those endeavors.

Next and last, we’ll take a shot at celebrating Christmas future.

Celebrating Christmas Past

Dickens was onto something with the whole concept of Christmas past, present and future. There is no other time of year when we are stirred to such a loaded mix of reflections. Searching for a way to connect to the memories of our past, trying to enjoy and embrace the present moment, always with an eye to the future— to the traditions, memories and character we want to build as a family.

The whole goal of an Authentic Christmas is not to make your life more complicated, but to give it more meaning. By bringing intentionality to the things you already do, you can add the connection that offers deeper meaning.

TRADITIONS:

We all have traditions that mean “Christmas” to our families. For one dear friend, it was an exquisite ornament presented to her mom by her dad each year. Living on a teacher’s salary it was an extravagance, which made it all the more special. My friend carries on that tradition in her own family and every special ornament she collects connects her to her childhood, to her parents’ example of love, sacrifice and appreciation for beauty.

Most of us bake during the holidays, many from treasured family recipes handed down. Bring your kids into the kitchen and as you mix and measure talk about your great aunt or grandmother (all the better if you have some old pictures to show them). Like all of us, kids long for connection and this is such a natural way to give them a connection to their past, with delicious results.

We celebrate Sunday Family Advent Nights, just like my husband did growing up in Ohio. They aren’t always peace on earth kind of moments, but there has yet to be a time when our kids light the candles that my heart doesn’t skip a beat thinking of my husband as a child lighting those candles with his brothers. Reading the same scriptures and singing the same songs as all the generations before connects us to the timeless communion of saints— what could be more beautiful?

Whatever special family traditions you have, talk about them with your family. Why they are important, even if they are of the silly variety. Tell the stories, share what they mean to you. Better yet, send an e-mail to your parents, siblings and/or grandparents and ask them to share why that tradition is important to them or a funny memory about a Christmas past.

Sharing and passing on these moments connects us with our younger selves, our wider family and faith. Most importantly, it shows your kids that they are part of something much bigger than themselves— and then allows them to play a part in the continuation of the story.

REMEMBERING:

I had my first kid seven years ago and have been plagued with “mommy brain” ever since. However, there is some magic combination that occurs when that tree is trimmed, carols humming in the background and I’m all cozy on the sofa that allows parts of my memory to open up. Suddenly, I remember so many details, people, places that make up my lifetime of Christmas memories.

I think we should all try to carve out space and quiet to give ourselves the treasure of strolling down memory lane. Some moments may be bittersweet, or funny, or bring to mind someone special you haven’t thought of in years. Pray for those who come to mind, send them love, send them peace, send them a letter or even an e-mail. Yes, the season is busy, but give yourself the gift of a few early morning or late night sessions- just you, the tree, beverage of choice and those precious memories.

LOSS:

All the reasons why the holidays are wonderful are also the reasons why they can be excruciating for someone who has suffered a loss of someone close to them. Mark does bereavement counseling and makes the point that with the loss of someone close, such as a parent, spouse, child or sibling, the pain does not subside with the years that pass. That pain stays forever with the one left behind, it is a mark of the love that was shared.

If you have someone close to you that has gone through such a loss, the best gift you can give him or her is acknowledgement. Our friend who lost her son said her biggest fear is that his life would be forgotten. It doesn’t take much and you don’t need to get too wordy— you aren’t out to fix anything, just show your love. Send a card sharing a memory, donate a book to the library in their loved one's name, give them a beautifully scented candle and let them know you’re thinking of them and the person they lost – every time they light that candle through the season it will be a reminder that their love is remembered.

THAT FIRST CHRISTMAS:

My favorite retelling of the Christmas story is from The Jesus Storybook Bible- it’s told in such a poetic, beautiful way that it makes the beloved story fresh and alive. Don’t let the season pass without contemplating the gift of Jesus and the message it brings to all- light out of darkness, love that conquers death, lavish generosity over clinging to what we just don’t need. Read the nativity story in the Bible, look up the lyrics to your favorite carols, and/or celebrate a weekly Advent devotion as a family. 

Wherever you are in your faith journey, open your heart to the wonder of the season and ask to have eyes to see the stars guiding your life. Then, share that journey as a family, finding the gift of Christmas. 

Next up, celebrating Christmas Present...

Celebrating Advent: Waiting as a Family

The overly busy Christmas, the commercialization of Christmas, the secularization of Christmas and the bemoaning of it all, have become ubiquitous clichés in our society.  However, this sacred/secular dichotomy is not just a modern problem, it dates back well before A Charlie Brown Christmas. 

The first generations of Christians did not celebrate Christmas; the earliest account of the Jesus story (found in the gospel of Mark) doesn’t include an account of his birth and Paul’s writings also do not mention Jesus’ birth. 

Scholars conclude, from what little information they have, that Jesus was most likely born in the spring, not December. The reason we even celebrate Christmas on December 25^th is because early Christians, who were being persecuted, needed something to celebrate so as not to appear suspicious to their pagan neighbors celebrating the winter solstice.

In some ways the modern day pressure and hugeness of this holiday speaks to its importance. Somewhere in our culture's collective heart, there is a real sense that Christmas matters.

Of course much of these peripheral celebrations cloud or dilute the "true meaning of Christmas.” That meaning God entering into our busy, secular, commercialized world as a true and full human being, all in order to fully and perfectly share God's love with humanity. Just as God entered our world, we don’t to need retract from the world. For God doesn’t call us out of the messiness of life, but God meets us in the middle of the mess. 

God in entering into this world, had to give up his glory and power. There are some traditions that follow this lead, fighting all of the glitz and glamour of Christmas to have a "pure" and respectful Christmas. But just the act of celebrating on Dec. 25th, ties them to pagan traditions. However, Advent is about preparing for the party, not shunning the party all together. Jesus said, "I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10b)  

Throughout Christian history, beginning around the ninth century, families have celebrated the coming of Jesus by lighting Advent candles. Traditionally, the four weeks before Christmas were set aside to prepare for the celebration of Jesus' birth. Every generation has had to face the problem of the secularization of the birth of Christ. The simple family worship service of lighting Advent candles has been one way Christians have sought to bring a biblical focus and an awareness of God’s message of love expressed in the incarnation throughout the Christmas season.

For the Christian, Advent is the time we focus on the message of the prophets that, “a virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call his name Emmanuel - God with us.”

Here we will share simple Advent devotionals, one for each week leading up to Christmas. Once a week, gather your family around the Advent wreath and take some time to focus on the Christmas message of that week—hope, peace, joy and love.

Download the pdf of Advent Devotional: Week 1 here.

THE ADVENT WREATH AND CANDLES

The use of candles, a wreath of greens, carols, readings from the Bible, prayers and stories have traditionally been a part of this Christian tradition called Advent.

A wreath of greens with four candles set in its circle: this is the Advent wreath. It is round, symbolizing God’s eternity -- God was, is and always shall be. Traditionally, it has been made of green boughs, as a sign of ever-new life. The candles remind us of the light which came into the world with the birth of Jesus Christ.

The tradition is for three purple, one pink and one white candle to be used. The meaning of the candles:

First Candle: Purple/Hope

Second Candle: Purple/Peace

Third Candle: Pink/Joy

Fourth Candle: Purple/Love

Center Candle: White/The Christ Candle

However, if you’re like my wife and the colors of the candles don't quite fit your design aesthetic, feel free to use all white candles or red and white candles…it really is the idea over the detail that matters (that's what fourteen years of marriage teaches you).

On the first Sunday of Advent (four Sundays before Christmas), in a brief and simple family worship time the family lights the first candle. On each succeeding Sunday, the candles are lit, one by one, continuing the same type of worship in which the family participates.

Each week we will share two options, a devotion targeted to younger children and an older kids/adult devotion. The devotion for young kids is very brief, and I would encourage families to use it even with very young children (babies even) who may not understand a thing. Consider how we throw birthday parties for one year olds who do not have much understanding, yet at some level, the message is there that they belong. 

It is up to us to define what Christmas will mean to our family and embrace the messiness of it all. Even though my brothers and I fought through pretty much every Family Advent Night growing up, it has stayed with me and shaped me in indescribable ways. I’m thankful my parents didn’t give up on us, on celebrating the true gift of Christmas with a house full of four rambunctious boys.

I encourage you to take those ten minutes every Sunday night during Advent and as a family, take a breath together and let the spirit of hope, peace, joy and love enter your hearts.

All four weeks of devotionals, along with one for Christmas Eve can be found here.

Make Good Choices

What is an Authentic Christmas? It’s a celebration of Christ coming into the world as a light to cast out darkness. It’s baking candy cane cookies from your Grandma’s recipe. It’s decorating a tree and telling a story with each ornament. It’s a basket full of cards brimming with smiling faces and cute dogs. It’s a candlelit sanctuary filled with voices singing Silent Night. It’s visiting lonely folks at a nursing home with off-key carols and warm hugs. It’s quietly sitting in front of a lit tree and remembering all those years before and dreaming of all the years ahead. It’s a prayer over sleeping children pleading for peace on earth. It’s getting those cute boots you really, really wanted. It’s a little bit of everything, which is why Christmas is so darn fantastic...and completely overwhelming.

There’s a line from the late 80’s classic, Parenthood, which we’ve quoted forever. As their kids leave for school the un-cool parents yell out, “Make good choices!” Pre-kids, we said it as a funny inside joke. After kids, it became our mantra. While it still brings a smirk as we send our kids out the door, we hope it will be a foundational piece of wisdom for their life. We now live in a world that is all choices, all the time. You’ve got to be ready to do the work to make good ones.

Christmas season is inundated with choices. It is overflowing with choices, decisions, events, obligations, desires, opportunities and stress. You have to get in front of December and make a choice about what this holiday season is going to mean to your family. If you don’t make the decision, the season will. If you go with the frantic flow be prepared to find yourself face down in a platter of sugar cookies as you cry spiked eggnog tears and mourn another “empty” Christmas.

Authentic Christmas. Easier said than done. Over the next couple of weeks we're going to share a few starting points to help you find your way to a meaningful, memory-filled season. We’ve had good Christmases and bad ones. We’ve had years where I was a stay at home mom and a working mom. We’ve tried and failed and sometimes succeeded. We don’t have all the answers, but we’d love to have a conversation. Because how you shape your Christmas season can be a big step in how you shape your life.

Side note: I didn’t need the Facebook Quiz, “What Peanuts Character Are You?” to tell me that I’m hands-down Lucy (Mark is totally Schroeder-it was meant to be). All that I’m sharing here is from the heart and if it gets a little Lucy, just work with me. We're so far from the perfect family. However, this isn’t my first rodeo and I’ve learned a trick or two that I hope can help you, too. We're all so busy, I just want to give it to you straight and leave the glitter and sparkles for the tree.

In the next few posts we'll talk about the deeper matters of the season, but the first step before anything else is to get your act together. Let's call it my PLAN-PRIORITIZE-PREP-PLAY method.

STEP 1: PLAN

Right before or after Thanksgiving, plan a night with your spouse to figure out what your Christmas season is going to look like. Make it fun. Wait until after the kids go to bed, light a fire or some candles, find a Pandora Christmas station and pour a couple glasses of wine and get to work.

We always start with a blank calendar for December, first marking those firm dates (vacations, guests, special events) and then making a list of all the other stuff: family advent night (most of the time Sundays, but that doesn’t always happen), decorating the house, getting the tree, trimming the tree, going to see Christmas lights, parties, school events, shopping, date nights, wrapping gifts, baking and any other activities.

STEP 2: PRIORITIZE

Then you start making choices. What do we really want to do? How can we do it without going crazy? Is Christ present in our choices? What can we cut out? Will four nights out in a row make for really cranky kids? Cranky parents? How many nights do we want/need a sitter? Do we have any time carved out just for us as a couple? Do we have enough family time at home? Is there a balance of giving and receiving?

Most Decembers we end up with something on our calendar every day. But we try to balance “heavy-lifting” events with others that are easier. On these planning nights, we always end up having a good time. It’s fun to go down memory lane, share stories from our childhood Christmases and feel like we are starting out the season on the same page.

STEP 3: PREP

This leads to second part of the planning stage. I’ve only called it this in my head, so it seems kind of silly to write it down- but it’s my Christmas Ninja Mission. I take that calendar, my gift list, my to do list and make a big ol’ list of everything we need to make our season merry and bright— tape, wrapping paper and ribbon, gifts (more on that later), baking and craft supplies, teacher and hostess gifts, stamps for cards, candles and greenery, hot chocolate, marshmallows, extra wine and dark chocolate—(mama deserves some treats, too).

Depending on how ahead of the game I am that year, either the last weeks of November or the first of December I’m in full Christmas Ninja mode. I’m on a mission to get as many errands done as possible. I’m focused, my route is mapped out, I know what Amazon Prime can and cannot do for me, my lists are divided by store, my handbag is prepped with Marcona almonds and yes, a little chocolate, dinner is of the Rusty’s Pizza or Crockpot variety, and I leave the kids at home. Ninja go.

STEP 4: PLAY

I know that once my Christmas Ninja Mission is complete, I can move onto to my favorite part of the season- playtime.  We can bake cookies and not have to run to the store, I can watch Little Women or The Holiday for the 67^th time while wrapping gifts from my stocked stash, we can have a hot chocolate picnic under the Christmas tree, deliver cookies to our neighbors, make it a candlelit night with Bing Crosby, gather around our advent wreath each Sunday night, head out to the party hostess gift in hand…because it’s all ready to go.

A big part of enjoying the play phase is to please forget Pinterest, forget the Anthropologie catalog, forget your genetically engineered neighbor and play to your strengths. If you aren’t a baker, there is no shame in buying those cookies from the store. If you aren’t crafty, those sticker gift tags are just fine. If decorating is not your thing, put some fresh greenery on your mantel with white candles and call it a day (it will look beautiful by the way).

Maybe you’re outdoorsy- then forget the gingerbread men and take a nature walk with your kids. If you’re musical, make up funny words to Frosty the Snowman or head-up a group of carolers. Theatre major? Check out every Christmas book at the library and bring those stories to life.

Some of our favorite moments are just cuddling up watching a Christmas movie with popcorn sprinkled with M & M’s- that’s all I needed to do to win mom of the year. Oh, and put your phone down while you watch the movie.

All your kids really want is you. All you really want is your family. And we all want to make it matter, to find the heart of the season, to find the light that cast out all darkness. Make it happen.

Over the next couple of weeks, we will be sharing here all different ways to live meaningfully and joyfully through the season. Spiritual, practical, creative and compassionate- simple ways to connect, give and grow as a family.

Let’s have a Merry Christmas.